Saturday, May 23, 2009
despair.
thats describe me now. no matter how much consolation i can get from friends, from God, I am really lost. lost until i cannot find myself. so many questions are still unanswered. even though i can understand that perhaps this is God's plan, but i struggle to live it out. too many things, just too many things that i have on my shoulders and its threatening to crush me. i wonder how i manage to survive so long without my emotional support. its unfair, it really is. but perhaps i did something wrong somehow somewhere. i just don't deserved to be loved. im sorry i can't pick myself up because its too much to ask of me. i've been angry at myself at God at my life. no longer happy. only try to find that temporal happiness in my time being awake. how i wish i could sleep all day and never face reality. im so broken, yet im called to be there for the broken as well. guess thats what we're called to do. but i feel im in a pretty bad situation to do anything. i shall just drag along and see what happens to me. i really don't feel like going on anymore. its too tiring.
5:29 PM